just remember that I, a registered nurse with a bachelors degree, accidentally glued a patient’s foreskin shut over his penis and had to call a urology doctor to come help me get it to retract
I had to send a page that said “I glued the patient’s penis shut. send help.”
The urology resident said, “Wow. I’ve never seen anything like this. Let me go ask someone else.”
It’s been like 5 days since this happened and I’m just sitting at the nurses station with some coworkers and the urology resident walks by and says “hey! Glue any penises shut lately??” And keeps on walking
THEN ALL MY COWORKERS WERE LIKE WHAT JUST HAPPENED
and so yeah, that freaking doctor exposed me and went on his way
Magnus and Barry wake up at the crack of dawn just to jump into freezing cold water, and Taako, Lup, and Merle are just like “They must be going crazy or something. There’s no way that someone would willingly jump into icey water for fun-” and then Lucretia goes barreling past the three, yelling, “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ASSHOLES JUMPED IN WITHOUT ME.” And the three go run to Davenport to say that all the humans they’re stuck with are certifiably insane.
Taako: Magnus put a damn shirt on.
Magnus: It’s not even that cold out.
Taako: It’s literally snowing.
Lup: Oh, babe, don’t eat that. It’s a super acidic fruit, it’ll dissolve your flesh.
Barry, confused: Lup this is a pineapple.
Magnus breaks both his legs in one cycle and the three basically invent street cross country skis to get him to move around and everyone else is terrified
“shouldn’t you be resting???”
“you think two broken legs will stop me?”
“IT SHOULD”
Lucretia: Humans have two sets of teeth.
Lup: you’re lying to me.
Magnus: Im gonna eat this blue glowing fruit I found
Davenport: You can’t do that, we’re two weeks into this cycle and you’re our security officer
Lucretia: Yeah, let Barry do it; if he dies, then he’ll just be a lich.
Davenport: No, no one is eating it
Barry: [has already eaten half of it]
i wish i could draw because i desperately want to draw the last exchange.
complete with ending on Barry freezing with half the fruit already in his mouth like a fruit goblin.
you though this was gonna be a christmas post? guess again bitch! happy hanukkah! may your latkes be delicious and you have a blessed holiday season! אני אוהב את כולכם כל כך !!!
diet culture has ruined our mothers, our sisters, our daughters, it passes the discomfort with our own bodies as natural, it makes our hatred common, we punish ourselves by eating or not eating, by guilt and resolutions, but no one seems to care, not even those who love us.
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