in case i leave tumblr but want to look at my posts
*always says thank you to alexa so that when i eventually do commit a crime i wont be charged because th eonly evidence they have is how nice i am to alexa*
I’m so goddamn mad that oil companies have known climate change is real for decades and did everything to stop people from acting on it. I want to burn their offices down. I want to throw their CEOs into a fucking pit. The world is being destroyed because some filthy rich fucks saw the end coming and figured making money off it was better than saving it. That’s pure evil, plain and simple.
I had a server tell me about how he was harassed into going to a church baptism ceremony by a not so close friend and to get them off his back he agreed
He decided some time before that of he was going to be forced to do this her might as well have fun with it right? So he goes to lush and buys one of the black bath bombs, and cuts it in half.
Now fast forward to the day of and he is wearing a small harness under his shirt that is keeping both haves of the bath bomb one either shoulder blade.
He volunteers to get baptised
They take him up put him in the white robe and then he waits for his turn. Now the friend who invited him had no clue what he is doing. They are pleasantly surprised to see him participating.
Honestly. A mistake on their part.
I only knew this guy for a max of 45 minutes and I could already tell this dude was a chaos entity.
So his turn comes up and they go to dunk him and the water immediately starts to foam and turn black and he starts screaming like a banchee jumps out the water and hisses at the priest
Everyone fucking lost it and her was banned from ever attending that church again.
So yeah all in all seems like a great thing to do for a hilarious story
i’m a grower not a show-er
what do this mean u might ask?
means my peepee dumb small when it’s soft but when i get hard my shit bigger than your feet
anyway
the upside to this? no one ever expects how big i get when i’m hard it’s like “dam i ain’t even notice u got a big ass dick boy”
the downside?
if i get pantsed in public i immediately have to start jacking off before i pull my pants back up in order to get hard if not everyone will think i’m packing chicken nugget when in reality im not vegan but i brought the cucumber with me
“Did you hear that?!!! But I have a penis! A PENIS YOU HEAR? “ *hysterical yelling and wheezing*
(50+) Guy I sometimes run into at my local trainstation seems to be bothered by me simply existing in a public space. I don‘t know him but he made his distaste towards me clear on several occasions through facial expressions, staring etc. Recently he tried to out-macho me or something. Instead of boarding the train he announces “Ladies first!”, steps aside and points towards the open door of the waiting train (a thing you never (!)do unless you want pple fucking mad at you cause they‘re gonna be late). His smile mocking and his demeanor clearly over the top in order to humiliate me.
I, out of a reflex, stepped aside too bc maybe he meant an old lady waiting behind me? Nope, he meant me. I was pissed. An idea popped into my mind and slipped onto my tongue (my brain: oh no dude, my bitch, don’t). Before I could stop myself I looked him straight in the face and announced “Ladies first, okay then, go ahead!”.
He turned the colour of tomatoes and (after boarding) threw a top of the lungs yelling temper tantrum about him having a penis for everyone on the train to hear. I’ve never seen a grown ass man throw such a public fit.
spacemaverick archive 