This is legitimately the funniest thing that has ever happened on MBMBAM
[Transcript:
Brothers: Brooks.
Brooks: So, uh, my question is: my boyfriend keeps on going into the pantry and grabbing handfuls of fettuccine– [audience laughs] uncooked–
Griffin: I would hope he’s not grabbing handfuls of cooked fettuccine, Brooks.
Travis: In your pantry!
Brooks: –and eating them raw. And he keeps calling them chips?
Justin: Okay.
[audience laughs]
Brooks: How do I make him stop?
Travis: Is your boyfriend here?
Brooks: Yeah.
Travis: You’re a monster. [audience laughs] Words mean things!
Griffin: Does anybody remember– [clears throat] I haven’t been to Olive Garden in many moons, but they do have, like, a little, like, fettuccine bottle that you can just grab them out and chew– hold on, was this a prank you guys pulled on me when we went to Olive Garden as kids!? [audience laughs, Justin quietly snickers] No, stop! Everybody shut up! Do they give you fettu– raw fettuccine to chew on in the lobby of the Olive Garden?
[Audience, shouting: No!]
Griffin: You [stutters] fuckin’ bastards!
Travis, shouting: YEAHHHHHHHH! [audience cheering]
Justin: The prestige! [Travis laughs]
Travis: Now you have IBS! We got him!
Griffin: [crosstalk] I didn– What I need you– Brooks, we’ll get back to you– what I need you two to understand is that was not the only time I went to Olive Garden. There were– [breaks in embarrassment]
Travis: Were there never employees around!? Like– [Justin laughs loudly]
Griffin: I– I, wanting to seem like an authentic metropolitan diner, would always grab the fettuccine and walk over to my friends, like, “mm, yeah, I’m a little– little peckish.” [Justin and Travis laugh]
Justin: Griffin, as a–
Griffin: I fucking can’t believe– I can’t believe you did that and I can’t believe literally I’m finding out in the worst imaginable venue.
Justin: Speaking as a former Olive Garden employee, there is– if I saw a little kid eating fettu– raw fettuccine? The odds of me stopping them are negative 1000 percent.
Griffin: Okay, Brooks.
Justin: Brooks!
Griffin: Yeah, so I’m gonna sit this one out, Brooks.
Travis: Wait–
Justin: Brooks, is it possible that your boyfriend has been laboring under the same delusion as my brother for all these years? [crosstalk, unintelligible] Oh, they sell this for you to take home? Okay, well, fancy for myself then.
Travis: Brooks, is it possible your boyfriend does not believe these are chips, but instead likes to annoy you by calling them chips, a thing I– not exactly that, but similar– do to my wife all the time. [audience laughs]
Griffin: Is it possible, boyfriend, loves chips. And you never have chips, and this is his way of passive aggressively [audience laughs] sort of guilting you into go– “MM, these are tasty chips!” And as a raw fettuccine eater myself, I can tell you it’s not a– it’s not a good chew. You do it– you put it in your mouth, and your six-year-old brain thinks “it’ll turn to fettuccine in the heat of your mouth.” It doesn’t work like that! It doesn’t work like that! Just doesn’t work like that.
Justin, softly: Brooks?]
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